Sunday, 18 March 2012

Owen hates kids.

Yesterday my flat was party central. At 1pm this tiny London flat was invaded by 25 10-year old mini humans, ready to get down, so to speak(the method of choice was Rihanna on max volume and chocolate cake)
Since I had consumed a bit more than the recommended intake for an average sized adult the previous night, I did not feel like joining the party. (Or the un-organised form of hell)  The mother, responsible for the planned chaos, had given me warnings "Close the door hard, otherwise they will most likely wander in on you". I laughed. I didnt realise the seriousness of the warning. She however, that had both seen me hungover and acted host for birthday parties before, did.

With the Yankees cap pulled down low, Uggs and mis-matched sweats, I managed to sneak out a couple of hours later. Looking mighty fine.

Yes, there is a foreign junkie renting the spare room.

Hello to no one

It has been almost a year since I've been here. I blame the thing we call life.
But after a year of terrorising all creatures around me with things one better keep to herself, it has been "discretely" suggested that I bother someone that cares. A blog with absolutely no visitors (even though the stats button is trying to boost my confidence by saying I am widely popular. I've worked in sales, I don't buy it.) seemed like the obvious choice.

Except for being, on paper, one year older (and things that comes with that such as increasing alcohol intake etc.), not much has changed.
I am still as obsessed with my own body weight as before, I still have trouble keeping my belongings in order and of off the floor, I still drink an unhealthy amount of coffee everyday and my skin is as pale as ever.

Good to be back!

Wednesday, 20 April 2011

Trying to write a 2000 word essay before work at 6.
As you can tell, its going GREAT!

In an ideal world I would finish at least 3 more 2000 word essays by 5pm.
But lets be realistic, shall we?

Go out and have a little dance....

- My grand plan for saturday night was to finish work around 2am, hang around til 3am and then head to Stansted. Well. Got off work at 12.15am. "Nooooo I have a 6 something flight. What am I suppose to do until then??" The words I was hoping to come out of the managers mouth was "okey, Amina, you can work until closing!" instead he said "Okey Amina, go out there and have a little dance and im sure time will go faster." Gee, thanks. I didnt. I hung out in the back like the tiny person without a life I actually am.

-At 5am I was at stansted. Hungry as a motherfucker, with only a stella in me. After my bag was brought aside at security because they couldnt figure out what my barblade was for, I sat down at pret and ate the amount and i nthe speed a very large man would. The woman behind the counter (look in a mirror before you judge, okey!?) had trouble understanding what I actually wanted. "oh wait, so you want a cheese panini. Also?" YES bitch, YES!

- As the horrible daughter I am I didnt have time buying my mom a birthday gift. Instead I bought candy for 10 and special edition "royal wedding" magazines at the airport (this after buying MYSELF a way too expensive perfume. I mean its all about prioritising,no?) It was however, believe it or not, a hit.
Let us all unite in a big global hate for Kate Middleton. Shall we?
I dont know why I dont like her. Its not like she is marriying the man of my dreams, or looks like I want to look. She just seems fake. But then again, arent we all? You go girl.

- Had lunch with the father on monday. I have not seen him since christmas. You can imagine what a joyful reunion it was. One of the topics he felt we needed to cover was "Have you seen this new movie Burlesque? With Cher and Christina Augulera? Its actually really really good."
God, my family can SO not function without me. Makes drastic choises like downloading burlesque. They need me. After me mocking him for 15 minutes I am pretty sure he realised his mistake and wont do it again.

- Do not hook up with people on the nightbus. If there is you and one other person on the very much packed bus that is not drunk. You tend to notice. Well, dont. Lesson learned. "The fact that you met him on the bus shouldve been clue no.1" 

- Bought a new skirt yesterday. A long one. Its about 1,5 metre too long and I look seriously obese in it.
"Are you serious? Did you actually buy that ugly skirt?" Well, yes, yes I did. I dont know why. Something in me told me to.

Monday, 4 April 2011

hamster cheeks said what?

-Woke up from last nights Brick lane booze-coma craving sushi and tomatoes.
Marks and spencer, h-e-l-l-o.
That I was buying sushi and tomatoes at 7am no big deal, the cashier did however feel that the new sushi packaging was "sooooo cute! look how nice it looks! Before they more squared...."
Bitch, please! Zip it and hand me my fish.
Imagine if, instead of cheese, I always would wake up from booze-comas craving sushi and tomatoes, how skinny would I be?!

-Woman walking past me on the tube the other day. Couldnt help thinking what a nice and well shaped behind she had. Normally not anything I notice. Ever (wide-ness obsessed yes, nice-ness no) and then I noticed she was wearing Reebook easy tone trainers. So that shiz really work? interesting....

-Has messed up my sleeping pattern completely. Or sleeep pattern (note that I was buying sushi at 7am, the morning after....), just not much sleep going on at all. Walking around like a bitch zombie, not quite sure whats going on around her.

-Pretty sure today is a good day for a new tattoo...or new shoes. One of the two...

-Today is SO not a day for make up. Not working today, and just because I can, I will look like crap. All day long. Will take ugliness to a whole new level. Cheers.

-Bought morrisson chocolate milk the other day. Dont know why. Took me back to my New Jersey days when I used to inhale chocolate milk. The 4 kids sitting across from me was not allowed to drink it, me as an adult on the other hand, was. Oh those were the days. Feel like Ive grown up since though, not at all as heavenly as I remembered. God, im getting old.